More Childran Stories can help to make a smile.
Vroom! We’re at the mall “We’ll stay in the car” said Dad. Diesel is so warm on my lap! I asked myself what’s that feeling? Ewwwww dog wee! My dog weed all over my soccer shorts! I stunk like mad! I had a shower as soon as I got home. My sister didn’t get weed on but she had to have a shower too. We had a shower in the double shower. I said to Mum “Diesel’s in the room!”
My brother Ross!
My brother Ross went to Browns Bay. He bought a whistle. It was loud! I got a fright!
When I had to wear a skirt!
When I was 4 I peed my pants! When the teacher looked in my bag there were no spare clothes in it. Then we had to go in the spare clothes room. All that was there was a dress! She handed it over to me. I said “I can’t wear that!” the teacher said “Yes you can and you will!”, “NOOOO!”
The most disgusting time!
When I threw up it was disgusting! I threw up in the middle of the night in the toilet. The toilet stunk for 9 weeks! When I went to the toilet I had to block my nose. I hated the smell. My mum said “Yuck!” when she heard me say “Mum I have to throw up in the toilet!”
My most embarassing moment!
The most embarrassing moment was when I was holding some toothpaste and I was naked, then my mum came in and said “How cute is she?” I said “Goo goo ga ga!” I was two and a half I think. I was proud of myself. After I said goo goo gaa gaa I noticed I was naked and then I started to cry. Then I said my first word and I think it was reindeer.
The brother zone!
“Stop it!” I yelled “I hate it, I absolutely hate it! Don’t you dare!” I yelled again. I am so lucky to be going to school and I am very ANGRY! I hate it when my brother is annoying me. I am in Room 6. I got in the car but my brother is still annoying me. Oh no! I’m sitting in the back with him! This is going to be a long, long trip and boy you can beat that it was!
YO, one of the best ones in golden girls, estelle getty, died earlier this week.
hoggle moggle is NEVER updated but this is cause for a post.
goblin girls is one of mitton favourite shows. these ladies was mad real, straight up and always looked fresh. they just don’t make ladies like these no more. now they make ladies like those ones on tv who are whores. golden girls do real things ! golden girls look after your grandchildren and be courted by old men.
sophia petrillo was the paprika in the golden girl casserole. RIP goblin girl ! i’ll be tipping some earl grey in your memory ! maybe with a little brandy in it ! dont tell motar !
p.s. to bea arthur, betty white, and that other one, call me.
RZA as Bobby Digital, Live at Indigo , The O2.
On Monday May 28th, London’s Indigo2 was lucky enough to play host to Wu Tang’s RZA A.K.A. Bobby Digital. Whilst priming myself at the nearby bar the Entertainment District started to fill with Air Max shoes and Hoodies. The metal detector at the entrance seemed strangely out of place amongst the grandeur of the chandelier and the red carpet.
Whilst fuelling up inside at the Indigo2’s bars, I heard the end of Dan le Sac vs. Scroobius Pip. Had I seen it I’m sure I could say it was good, but instead we had to wait half and hour for Killa Kela.
The 20 foot curved speakers were well utilised by Killa Kela as he slowly introduced us to his Beat Box style spitting thunderous bass lines which made your jacket’s flap in the wind. Dressed as a hip hop 60’s rockabilly he started with a safe set accompanied by a guitarist, drummer and a dj. He slowly introduced his record scratches, fades, echoes, boy band falsettos and flutters to mash up an impressive soup of chunkiness and flavour.
A surprisingly calm and civilised crowd (and evidently stoned) was starting to build up in numbers. After about quarter an hour the well excited crowd started chanting ‘Wu Tang, Wu Tang!’. The lights were dark and when Mr Bobby Digital came on Stage (with his two unknown side kicks), I wasn’t disappointed. He had a bottle of champagne in one hand, mic in the other. He proceeded to hand out cups and pour drinks for his sophisticated new friends. He however preferred it straight from the bottle.
His song selection touched on a lot of favourites from his own albums to the old school Wu Tang selections including a tribute to the late Ol’ Dirty Bastard; ‘Oooh Baby I Like it Raawwww! He continued to spread the love with Raekwon’s ‘Glacier’s of Ice’ and the crowd helped him out with ‘Clan in Da Front’ let ya feet stomp!
Rza’ kept the drinks flowing, sharing with the crowd using the spraying method.
Despite the dampened but already sticky spliffs, the crowd were in no position to object. As my first Wu style gig I was really impressed. He put on a great show and the crowd partied it out, chanting back to him, ‘if you ain’t enjoying your life, you’re wasting you life!’ Ghostface and Raekwon play at Koko on Monday 12th of May, I might just have to pop in.
Only gripes? My friend was kicked out after she called her boyfriend to bring a tampon into the toilets, and there was the lame ass police line at the end of the show. We ain’t gangstas man!!
But I’ll let it slide this time. Cheers RZA.
RZA photographs copyright rich d 2008
Finally somebady has needed help from Mittons ! I have received this letter and true to my word, as Motar taught me, “I can help you!”. If you also have advice to give, please add it below in the comments section.
Please Help Me Mittons.
Things have become tense between me and my favourite printed underpants. Whenever we’re together, it just feels awkward and scrunched up. It never used to be like this. There was once a bond between us that Lucifer himself could not break! Now it’s all furtive looks and mopey glances, straight to bed without tea, and a wet sympathy pillow in the night across the face. I’m even beginning to think of taking my underpants on a last journey to the Salvation Army, or maybe the Huka Falls. But the old times were strong between us, the comfort so deep. Strong bonds of respect were hewn…
Mittons! What to do!
Rachaard H. Thimnis
Hallo Rachaard. Now I will help you.
When did things start to change for you and underpants? Because underpants cannot talk to humans, you cannot reply on underpants to tell you what is the matter. Think back. Maybe you bought some new underpants? Did some new underpants caught your eye? It happened to me once, with socks.
I had a favourite pair that Motar got me from Dunedin. They was just the perfect length, and they was a dark colour with a pattern that made me feel edgy and special. They was warm and would not fall down into my shoes. Then one day I got a new pair. They was different. They weren’t smothering like my old socks. They were brighter colours, and felt nice, like purity feels, or fresh sheets. My old socks had begun to get pilling on them. “Too woolen”, I would think as I looked over them in the drawer. “Where is the socks of purity?” And I would put those on. To think my old favourites did not notice my new leanings was a mistake.
But you should never think of deserting these old friends. When you release them, you release a lot of good old memories. Like the time you first wore them. When everything was new, and you was getting to know each otter. The discoveries. The pleasant surprise after that first wash and dry, when you remember you has new underwear ! The times you spent on holiday with your underwear, and the care you took to make sure they was washed before you packed them away. The strength and courage you took from wearing them out, at night time. The pain you would feel when they was dirty and it would be days before you got to wear them again.
To throw these friends away is throwing these memories away. This is why I never throw underwear away. Even when sometimes Motar wants to use them as cleaning cloths, it is better than losing them forever. These underwears is evidence of your life, from beginning to eventual finish.
In my drawer I has all the chapters of life, easy to reference by the old underwear of past times. Whenever I feel like a trip down memory lanes, I open the drawer, and see the ones I wore at the different stages of my life. I think back to embarrassing moments that happened, those times I let myself and my underwear down. But also, I remember the comfort I felt. I remember that I was never alone, as long as I had the underpants on. They was always watching over me, under my pants. (That is why they is called underpants.)
Things do change. You cannot be expected to remain steadfast at all times. Sometimes I get cross or do not want to do the right thing. But I was taught not to give up at the first hurdle of trouble. You need to talk about this to your underwear. It will not talk back but it will hear you. You and your underwear has had many good years. And maybe more good years to come also. But now it is time for a break. You need to put the underwear in the drawer and see what happens over the next few weeks. Wear some new underwears. Get the new underwears out of your system. Some underwears will become more important to you, and you will grow close to them and depend on them, like you did your old underwears. But time makes the wine. Years down the track, you may find yourself waking up one day, and that connection will suddenly be there again. You owe your old underpants this much. If nothing ever happens, at least you can look at them and bring back those fond memories, on a rainy sunday, or in your final years. And then you can be buried in them.
if you has a problem and need help, Ask Mittins ! Click on the advertisement to the right of this post.
This Post Courtitsy of Tineke who found a school blog with lots of childrens stories on it !
Here are some of the great stories from the littel childran of our future.
My Pet Cicada!
I had a pet cicada. It was playing dead. It was funny. It didn’t want to stop playing dead. I hated it. I wanted it to go away.
Once upon a time there lived a princess and a prince. The princess lived in a castle and the prince lived in another castle. One day there was a sale on in Albany so the princess went to the sale.
I had maggots in my rubbish bin! My mum was telling me not to look at them, but I didn’t listen because Dad was with me. Dad told me to have a look so I did. Mum said “Ewwww they make me throw up!”
My Jewellery Box!
When my dad went to Japan he gave me a jewellery box. He did not give it to my brothers because they were fighting. BUT! When they stopped fighting they wanted it so badly they got the key and put it in their bedroom. After tea I went into their bedroom and got it and hid it in my bedroom. It is still in my bedroom, I have hid it in my cupboard and I have hidden the key with it. “Yes!” I said when the boys come in and they can’t find it. “Yes!”
My cat jumped on me! I got a fright! I thought it was funny! She had a smile. It was a funny smile!
When I went into the toilet it was smelly! I flushed the toilet – it smelt even smellier and I didn’t use the toilet and then my dad cleaned the toilet. Then I used the toilet.